Oh Hell No You Didn't

corey haim was murdered.

Big S — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:58:10 +0000

I think this was shopped, not sure. Big props to Alisyn for her mad skills. Also RIP Haim, the internet will avenge your death in a upcoming meme war.

Veda’s Big Ass Birthday throwdown… be there!

Big S — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 17:31:15 +0000

From Veda’s event page found here:

“My 40th birthday is March 2. While I am not in a position to throw a party myself, it seemed even more appropriate to have a show to celebrate my adventure into (maybe) adult-old-hood. I have been a performer all my life and have met so many wonderful and talented people along the way. What better way to celebrate this part of my journey than with what I love to do, perform.

This is no ordinary drag show, however, this is a BIG ASS variety show with all kinda of performances from drag to live music to burlesque to stripping clowns and much, much more…

The show is MARCH 12 (Friday).

The line-up of confirmed local and out of town talent includes:

Sterling Maxwell
Sara Phoenix
Miss Mary Wanna
Bitta Honey
Roo
Platinum Folgers
Lucinda McDermott
DJ Pancakes
Nation
Gatita
Ruth Vienneau from KidSister
and
OEDIPUS DICK (with whom Sterling will be performing live)

MARCH 12, 2010
9pm doors open
10pm SHOWTIME
$10 cover
DJ Rush will play after the show

For more info http://www.clubsteelblue.com

****(If you have a picture of you and myself (is that correct grammar?), feel free to post. This is your freebie… you know who you are.)”

OK Go, gets Rube on your ass in their new video

Big S — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 01:31:39 +0000

So put aside that this may be the most complex Rube Goldberg Device in the world, ignore the fact that one or two crap your pants nervous camera men shot this in ONE TAKE, what you have is one new groovy little tune by OK Go. Well done guys, this is by far one of the coolest things I have seen in at least a month.

types of bitches

Big S — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 05:49:01 +0000

I ran across this at www.andiamnotlying.com today. I have to say that the number 12 bitch may be my fav of all time. I have to give it up for this 3rd graders dedication to the craft of categorizing bitches. If they ever get out of the bitch naming game they may have a career ahead of them as some sort of scientist. Here is the entire list via flicker. Jesus man… wow. I wonder what was in the missing pages? I feel the need to fill them in, like writing the King James version of the bitch list. Well done bitch naming child, I applaud your effort to point out all the “wearing shoes that be talking bitches” and the “bitches who think their man love them but get pregnant and be left alone”. You are the unsung hero of Mrs. Barnes (name changed to protect the innocent… and I have no idea the teachers name anyway) third grade class!

we are fungus

Big S — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 05:25:35 +0000

Check out Shrooms from Weebles stuff. Well made and I honestly cannot stop singing it… and I want to eat shrooms now.

A friend in need…

Big S — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 03:25:22 +0000

is a friend indeed. come if you can. spread the word if you can’t. love is not to be judged by the conceptions of hierarchy established by man, but yet the fervor of ones heart.
For more information visit the facebook page.

Joan of Arc toast???

Big S — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 01:23:03 +0000

This is the best named product ever!! It’s like selling JFK shot gun shells.

Tis the season to be?

Big S — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 17:54:29 +0000

Christmas is the reason for the season? Jesus is the reason for the season? Wasn’t Jesus born in March? What is the reason for the season? Big presents with elaborate bows? Stuffing yourself full of candy and ham? Is it putting on a big red suit and climbing down the chimney just to surprise your kids, only to get stuck in the chimney and die, not to be found until the family lights the fireplace for the first time and smells your stinking carcass? Wait… that was in Gremlins… anyway you get the idea.

The 0’Rileys of this world want you to think that if Wal-Mart says Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas then we should boycott them and BUY our presents somewhere else. But why do we need Wal-Mart to justify the meaning of Christmas? Holidays bend and change as needed, just as the Christians (you will be) assimilated the pagan holidays, the heathens have stolen the Christian holidays. The heathens feel no pressure to include Jesus in a holiday that has come to represent gift giving and spending time with your loved ones. So what has Christmas evolved from and into? And why does the notion of Christmas and holidays belong solely to Christians?

The winter celebration seems to have started in Babylon as the feast of the Son of Isis, basically a celebrations, eating and drinking and gift giving. Sound familiar? Then there was Winter Solstice and Satunalia which pretty much followed the traditions of Babylon except they added Mummers, who are the bastard fathers of carolers. Even the Christmas tree found its roots in Winter Solstice. So as Christianity became popular it is theorized that these pagan holidays and rituals were integrated with Christian lore to make the transition from pagan to Christian easier.

So today we have a holiday that is the bastard son of several pagan religions, which does not even fall on Jesus’s birthday, and has become focused on commercialism and one-upping your neighbor. So what is it really about now? Is it about Christ? Food? Gifts? Sex under the Christmas tree? Friends and family? I say it is all subjective. Make it what you will! Make it a time to be a better person than you were the day before. These save Christmas nut jobs have no idea what the holiday is even about anymore. All they can see is threats from the shadows trying to take away their rights, rights they already gave away with their unsustainable fear of everything that is not like them. For better or worse we practice these rituals because they are traditions. They make us feel good, close those we love, to those we lost, they make us feel the comfort of the known.

And of course we are all hoping for a shit ton of presents this year. I would like a RC helicopter, porn and a PS3. Of course I need to wrap my house and anything that is not moving in Christmas lights. And I am going to need a blow up Christmas tree too, Oh! And nee of those old school plastic snow men… what were we talking about??

Placenta Teddy Bear, can you smell the what-the-fuckery???

Big S — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 03:37:34 +0000

Some shit just can’t be made up, no matter how hard you try. So you just shot a baby from your crotch, what is the first thing you do? Why you salvage the placenta and tann it and then stuff it full of lovely fluff and sew it into a teddy hear! What did you think I was going to say? Properly place it in the medical waste bin? Tear into it like a rabid animal to the horror of your doctor? No the only fitting thing is to make your child a token of “OH HELL NO YOU DIDN’T! MY FRIENDS ARE NEVER COMING OVER!!!”. I mean all you have to do is “… cut in half and rubbed with sea salt to cure it. After it is dried out, it is treated with an emulsifying mixture of tannin and egg yolk to make it soft and pliable. Then, you craft it into a teddy bear”, I mean how simple and non-throwing up in your mouth is that.

Some of the best viral videos of the decade

Big S — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 17:06:39 +0000

These should keep you laughing for a bit. These are some of the best videos of the last 10 years. Thank you fucktards of the internet, without you our lives would be less… something or another.

This guy is my long lost father. His ability to rip lines of profanity give me a girl chub. Thank you Mr. Winnebago man, I will never own a Winnebago but if I blessed with a ignorant amount of money I will find you dear sir and line your pockets with fucking Jesus shit Christ fucking ass commission.

All I can say is I have a powerful need for a pork chop sandwich.

Charlie… stay the fuck away from Candy Mountain. Nothing good can come from it. This video proves that following your friends who are tripping on acid is never a good idea.

Oh Tom Cruise you used to be hot. Remember Top Gun?? I wanted to hump your leg, how I want to hump your leg but in a different more nasty Chihuahua kinda way. Scientology oh how I love your ability to make once awesome stars look like tool bags. I bow at your awesomeness.

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER LET YOUR FRIENDS TAPE YOU AT A REN FAIR. End of story.

And this last video… well lets just say that Obama doing blow off a hookers ass should never be caught on tape.

Here is the round up… have fun kids and keep the cameras rolling in 2010. God knows we need something to laugh at in this craptastic world.

Tish and I plan our future together.

Big S — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 16:02:15 +0000

(9:50:55 AM) Tish: nod nod
(9:51:03 AM) Selma: omg we could do pet recovery services
(9:51:12 AM) Selma: like Dog the Bounty Hunter
(9:51:16 AM) Tish: WITH GUNS AND SWORDS AND CHAINS!!!!
(9:51:46 AM) Selma: we can ride around in your truck wearing those alligator clamp fair feathers in our hair…
(9:51:55 AM) Tish: PAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
(9:51:56 AM) Tish: i just spit
(9:52:03 AM) Selma: hahahahahahah
(9:52:10 AM) Selma: the mental image is too much
(9:52:23 AM) Tish: is killin me! is glorious!
(9:52:32 AM) Tish: just the thing i need to vent my rage on human
(9:52:33 AM) Tish: s
(9:52:43 AM) Selma: hahahah
(9:52:44 AM) Tish: would be like good cop bad cop
(9:52:48 AM) Tish: you like ppl, i hate ppl
(9:52:52 AM) Tish: we both love dogs
(9:52:53 AM) Selma: AHAHAHAHA
(9:53:01 AM) Selma: I smell a show on TLC
(9:53:15 AM) Selma: we can be on after Steven Segal
(9:53:36 AM) Tish: excellent! we can do a ’seg way’ from his show
(9:53:43 AM) Selma: hahahahahaha
(9:53:47 AM) Selma: hahahah
(9:53:54 AM) Tish: we can repo a pet in LA and they can catch us and then help us
(9:53:56 AM) Selma: this is bringing me too much joy
(9:54:10 AM) Selma: I like it
(9:54:10 AM) Tish: we can spill our guts to them and they will feel much compassion and help us repo the pet
(9:54:21 AM) Selma: repo the pet
(9:54:22 AM) Selma: HAHAHAHA
(9:54:33 AM) Tish: then the next week we have our own show
(9:54:41 AM) Tish: DUDE!!!
(9:54:52 AM) Tish: we can go on TAPS and help them find pet ghosts
(9:54:56 AM) Selma: I think that is the most brilliant thing I have ever heard
(9:55:02 AM) Selma: OH HELL YES
(9:55:07 AM) Selma: I sense a poodle
(9:55:11 AM) Selma: yes, a poodle
(9:55:13 AM) Selma: it is angry
(9:55:19 AM) Selma: barking all the fucking time
(9:55:22 AM) Selma: there was a car
(9:55:26 AM) Selma: I sense a car
(9:55:33 AM) Selma: did you have a car?
(9:57:17 AM) Tish: i was laffing so hard, i started laffing at a customer and made them mad
(9:57:23 AM) Selma: hahahahahhaha
(9:57:25 AM) Tish: this is difficult to explain to someone

crazy ass virals of the day

Big S — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 03:35:50 +0000

I like the internet, it is full of funny things. Funny things that people took the time to tape so I can laugh at them and possibly make fun of them. It is a hard life here on Mount Judgment, the 90210 of bitter commentary.

I don’t know if this is real, there could be someone with a controller nearby playing… but I need it to be real. I need to live in a world where a fat ass bulldog can become a internet virtual skateboarding superstar. I need this in my life, like New Jersey needs to stop letting their residents get on TV

I have a Roomba, I have a cat, I have a dog… and this NEVER happens! Why?? I deserve a epic battle bots cat vs dog event in my house. We can take bets and fight them like chickens. Then you can call me Michael Vick and we can chest bump each other in a valiant show of machismo. Too far?

These guys have too much time on their hands, but that is pretty bad ass.

Breast milk cheese, tit milk cheese… boob cheddar!!

Big S — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:50:12 +0000

As I travel this vast land of the internet I sometimes stumbled across the cyber version of a drunk at a Waffle House talking about aliens. On this day I found someone speaking of the sheer and udder (wait for the pun, its coming) what-the-fuckery of Breast Milk Cheese. You heard me damnit! Breast milk cheese, tit milk cheese… boob cheddar!! Tatta Gouda!!

Now I have eaten some crazy shit, but I am not sure I can pull this one off. And I am sure that it tastes… nice. I mean I like boobs, boobs are great! They are soft and snuggly, and when you pinch the nipples real hard they poke at you. But Honestly I cannot get over the thought of chick cheese. And once you open that door you can’t close it. I have spent the last day trying to picture lactating females in one of those milking stalls with two breast pumps stuck on their girly bits. And is it Vegan? Is it fair trade? Can you get organic, vegan, fair trade boob cheese?? I want to ask for that at Whole Foods just to fuck with the snooty cheese dude. I want to talk about it a whole lot and then have a wine and cheese party to see if anyone shows up.

DAMN! You got knocked out!

Big S — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 23:42:08 +0000

This is just a big handful of knocked the fuck out. This is why I could not fight in MMA, I would have shot her. This girl got hit like she owed child support. Never put your head down without your hands in front of it. It would be nice to see women’s MMA really [...]

Justice for Teish

Big S — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 23:51:28 +0000

Stories like this get my ass…

“Lateisha Green was a vivacious, loving 22-year-old, African American transitioning transwoman living in Syracuse, NY. Unlike many young transpeople, Teish was accepted by her family. She was very close to her mom and siblings, including her 18-year-old gay brother, Mark.

On the evening of November 14, 2008, Teish and Mark received a call from a friend telling them about a house party not far from where they lived. After they arrived in their car, many (but not all) guests at the party started shouting homophobic/transphobic insults at them, mostly about their sexual orientation. Teish and Mark were stunned as they sat in the front seat of the car.

One of the people shouting insults, Dwight DeLee, a 20-year-old man they didn’t know, is alleged to have approached the car with a .22 rifle and shot once at Teish and Mark. Mark, in the driver’s seat, got a surface wound, but the bullet passed through to Teish and hit her in the chest. Mark was able to drive to the hospital as Teish was dying. They told each other they loved one another. Teish was pronounced dead at the hospital.”

One hateful mother fucker takes it on himself to destroy the lives of Teish’s family and his own. Because why? Someone feels different on the inside? Now Teish didn’t go to his job and slap the dick out of his mouth, why does he have to hate on her? To make himself look big in front of some skank? To make his dick magically grow three sizes? Why? Why destroy lives and homes because you simply don’t understand? Is it in the name of a god that is supposed to be understanding and loving? Is it because the thought of a male identifying as a female and choosing to live their life as such makes you want to puke? Well don’t think about it then! Find a spot on the wall and think about bunnies you asshat. I just don’t get this shit. It makes me cock my head to the left and lift a eyebrow. I don’t understand math and I don’t gun down math teachers. I hate stupid people and I don’t shoot them… however I do think open season spork hunting of stupid people should be allowed, if you can kill them with a spork they deserve to die. Actually reading this story makes me wish I had a spork and five mins alone with this motherfucker, I’d poke holes all in his ass.

You can read more about this here and here.

Spread the word kiddies, get angry and stop the hate.