If you are female, and old enough, you will have something called PMS. During this time you will be cranky, your face will be plagued with zits in the most noticeable and irritating places, you will be fatter due to the Olympic swimming pool that your body is retaining, and if your me you will be struck with the sudden impression your feet are to big. Also, you will cry at EVERYTHING. That includes but is not limited to, those touching coffee commercials, god forbid a Sarah Mclachlan SPCA commercial ( I dare you to click it), TV shows, books, leaves falling, rain, dust bunnies, any contact with anyone especially partners, deep thoughts, shallow thoughts, all music, and bananas being separated from their banana bunch friends.
During this time there is one important thing to remember. DO NOT go home on your lunch and watch one of those Emergency Vets shows that plays on The Animal Planet. The title 
alone should warn you that this is not a good show to watch. At some point they will put a cute, fuzzy, and deeply loved animal to sleep. There will be crying children, sobbing adults, and heartfelt dialogue from Vets who wished they could have “done more” and talk about how the beloved pet was a “fighter” and you gave it the ultimate gift of “peace”. You will cry. You will snot up the house. Your eyes will swell up. You will spend the rest of the day reading stories off of the Lifetime website and crying. You will go home, put on the biggest sweatshirt and boxer shorts you have and watch Steel Magnolias, The Colour Purple, YaYa Sisterhood, Beaches, Fried Green Tomatoes and hell why not Old Yeller too. While balling into a bucket of Chocolate Fudge Ripple ice cream you will repeat certain movie lines over and over again, such as “Itchy tell me a story”, “dear lord, make me a bird so I can fly far, far away” and ” OPEN YOUR EYES SHELLY, OPEN, OPEN, OPEN, YOUR EYES SHELLY!!” Then you will call one of those adopt-a-poor-child-in-Africa-who-a-fly-on-its-eye-lid and you will in fact adopt-a-poor-child-in-Africa-who-a-fly-on-its-eye-lid. Sally Struthers will be so pleased.
*Eats more chocolate*
Re-posted and updated to take into consideration that Sarah Mclachlan and perfectly place kitten paws may very well be the downfall of womankind.
PMS, Sally Struthers, Sarah Mclachlan, and Suicide
If you are female, and old enough, you will have something called PMS. During this time you will be cranky, your face will be plagued with zits in the most noticeable and irritating places, you will be fatter due to the Olympic swimming pool that your body is retaining, and if your me you will be struck with the sudden impression your feet are to big. Also, you will cry at EVERYTHING. That includes but is not limited to, those touching coffee commercials, god forbid a Sarah Mclachlan SPCA commercial ( I dare you to click it), TV shows, books, leaves falling, rain, dust bunnies, any contact with anyone especially partners, deep thoughts, shallow thoughts, all music, and bananas being separated from their banana bunch friends.
During this time there is one important thing to remember. DO NOT go home on your lunch and watch one of those Emergency Vets shows that plays on The Animal Planet. The title
alone should warn you that this is not a good show to watch. At some point they will put a cute, fuzzy, and deeply loved animal to sleep. There will be crying children, sobbing adults, and heartfelt dialogue from Vets who wished they could have “done more” and talk about how the beloved pet was a “fighter” and you gave it the ultimate gift of “peace”. You will cry. You will snot up the house. Your eyes will swell up. You will spend the rest of the day reading stories off of the Lifetime website and crying. You will go home, put on the biggest sweatshirt and boxer shorts you have and watch Steel Magnolias, The Colour Purple, YaYa Sisterhood, Beaches, Fried Green Tomatoes and hell why not Old Yeller too. While balling into a bucket of Chocolate Fudge Ripple ice cream you will repeat certain movie lines over and over again, such as “Itchy tell me a story”, “dear lord, make me a bird so I can fly far, far away” and ” OPEN YOUR EYES SHELLY, OPEN, OPEN, OPEN, YOUR EYES SHELLY!!” Then you will call one of those adopt-a-poor-child-in-Africa-who-a-fly-on-its-eye-lid and you will in fact adopt-a-poor-child-in-Africa-who-a-fly-on-its-eye-lid. Sally Struthers will be so pleased.
*Eats more chocolate*
Re-posted and updated to take into consideration that Sarah Mclachlan and perfectly place kitten paws may very well be the downfall of womankind.